YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF...
You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-In Theater.
Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
You own a homemade fur coat.
Your father walks you to school, because you're both in the same grade.
Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.
You burn your yard rather than mow it.
Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."
You refer to the time you won a free case of motor oil as "the day my ship came in."
You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
You've raked leaves in your kitchen.
Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the Governor to spare a loved one.
You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
You've ever hit a deer with your car --- deliberately.
Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".
You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
You've ever given rat traps as gifts.
You clean your fingernails with a stick.
Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.
You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.
You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.
You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.
You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
You're considered an expert on wormbeds.
Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell".
The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house.
CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes.
You pick your teeth from a catalog.
You've ever financed a tatoo.